So I have written in here in awhile, and I apologize for that, not only to myself but to Michael.  It's just that I miss him so much, I don't know what to do anymore.

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to watch as they roll your baby's body out on a stretcher covered by some velvety looking thing, and yes, I know he wasn't A baby but he was MY baby.  That picture just keeps popping back up in my head here lately for some reason and I don't know how to stop it.

At my last Dr. appointment, they kept asking me if I feel like I wanna hurt myself, or do I cut myself or anything like that, NO I DO NOT, I just want my son back is all that's wrong with me, and this stupid physical pain that I am constantly haunted by that they don't want to do anything about.

And I am so sick of the effing idiots where Mikey was living, talking about how hard they have it, or what they are going through, HELLO, you LET MY SON DIE, be glad you are alive!!!!! now bitch about me saying that...

I really miss him alot, the other day Ayden was on the phone with me and he asked me, "Where's Michael?"  I am glad he isn't forgetting his uncle, but it about broke my heart....

I still don't know how I am doing it,I just am here, I am alive but am I living, I really don't think so.....

Sometimes ALL of it is TOO MUCH to take considering everything that has happened in just a year....

All that matters I guess is that Michael, I love you and I'll See You When I See You....