I was thinking all weekend, Michael was on my mind really strong, all I could think about was when i said my final goodbye, leaned down to kiss him, walked away from him and tried not to look back one last time, but I just had too, and when I did I got a from birth til then super fast slide show of my baby's life. Knowing that this time, when i said bye, it would be the LAST time. I miss him so much. I know I will see him again someday, but that doesn't ease my pain, and I don't think it will until that day finally arrives.
Critter was standing outside, the other day, in our front yard, and I just caught a glimpse, but it took my breath away for a minute, because, for a split second, it looked EXACTLY like Mikey, and it's just little things like that, that set me off, and I have one of my "moments". Mostly I have them at night when I am all alone, just me and my thoughts, but sometimes, I don't have a choice and they just happen whenever.
In case you don't know, it's the hardest thing you will ever do, to walk away from your child's coffin, I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat.
For those of you who never had the chance to know my son, he was the most amazing person. He had a huge heart of gold, and he would help anyone. He had the most beautiful and shy smile, and his eyes were the bluest blue. He was very quiet until you got to know him and even then still pretty laid back. He had some really awesome friends, and yea sometimes some friends that weren't really friends at all, and its those people that led to where he is now.
One of these days, they are gonna slip up and they will have to pay for what they have done, or maybe they will finally step and do the right thing and admit it, but I highly doubt that.
Well I think I am good for now, I just had to let some things out...thanks for reading
I love You Mikey, See You When I See You!
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