16 Weeks

Today is 16 weeks that Michael has been gone.  I guess I should go ahead and let those of you that don't know, know....on the autopsy report, cause of death is:  Pneumonia due to mixed drug (Xanax and Oxycontin) and alcohol, But, and this is the part that bugs me the MOST...he survived  SEVERAL HOURS in a coma, so he could have been saved, if they would have called 911 right then, when they knew he needed help or if they would have called us....I know we cant bring him back, but it just pisses me off so much to know that they basically LET him die, and it is kinda strange that someone took the time to get his wallet out of the pants he was wearing and took his ID and Social Security Card, and WHY would they do that.....your guess is as good as mine.....

OK so I'm done with that, I had another memory I want to share, I think its kinda funny and I hope you do too.  I was in the living room and all three of my  kids were in one of their rooms, and I could here them talking, it was when we still lived in Texas and I was still married to their first step dad, and I decided to sneak over by the door and listen to the conversation, they were talking about how he was a pretty "neat" guy and he was fun "sometimes"  well when they "caught" me listening, they started telling me, "mom, we don't want you to have anymore kids, can't you get one of those things where you cant have anymore kids.....you know, a lobotomy" OMG I thought I was gonna die from laughter, but isn't it these little silly things that we will remember for the rest of our lives, I don't think I will EVER forget it.

Its weird, how every little thing that I remember, makes me miss him that much more and wish even more that he was still here with us, and just like yesterday, we were all loading up to go over to Bethy's new home and first thing I thought was, Mikey should be here with us.......and we know he is in our hearts but its not the same.

Some days I feel like my heart is gonna explode because it cant take it anymore, I never knew I was capable of THIS much love...its awesome to know but at the same time it's sad that I had to find out this way.

I know this post is kinda boring for some of you, maybe, I don't know, I'm guessing, but I need to stop because here come the tears and I cant see to type anymore, I would like to ask that you say a prayer for my mother, she is back in the hospital, they think she has had, or is having a heart attack....so please keep us in your prayers, I cannot lose her yet, I still need her.......